August/September 2010
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Success in School: A Father's Crucial Role by Sanford Shapiro
Most of us already understand the importance of a mother's involvement in her child's schooling. We also see the relationship of hereditary factors, teachers, and socio-economics to how well a child does in school and life. However, considering the evidence pointing to substantial benefits, it's surprising that we haven't universally held dads to higher standards when it comes to their involvement with their children's education. Perhaps, at least partially, that issue hasn't dominated because wives are just grateful that many of us dads have at least been socialized enough to do more cooking, house-care, and laundry. As much as we like to get our hands dirty in some arenas, some dads quietly move into the background when it comes to the grass roots of homework help, reading support, and class meetings. Typically, dads get called into action when the fire alarms are ringing and mom is calling in the troops for disaster relief. Fathers and Toddlers When dads insert themselves earlier and more evenly throughout a child's school life the benefits are unmistakable. Sociologist Alison Clarke-Stewart found that the intellectual skills of 15 to 30-month-olds were "significantly related to the fathers' engagement in unstructured play, fathers' positive rating of children, the amount of time fathers and children interacted, and fathers' aspirations for children's independence." Early Literacy Research shows a clear, positive connection between fathers' involvement in literacy activities and their children's preparedness for school (Gadsden and Bowman). Even if dads do not feel competent assisting with reading development, for example, studies show that fathers can play a powerful role in the development of such basics as: Oral language development: reading to a child and engaging in back and forth discussion. Phonemic Awareness: rhyming, practicing taking spoken words apart ("umbrella---um-brel-la"; "dog---d-o-g") and generally playing with sounds. Exposure to the alphabet. Fathers' pro-active participation in preschool and school activities can also help children develop socially and attitudinally. The qualities of persistence and resilience, and feeling as though their efforts matter, can be advanced and encouraged through the guiding involvement of fathers. Five important ways dads can positively influence their children: 1. Help your children find direction and set goals. Fathers can provide tremendous instruction in helping even young children find the right direction and set goals. Let your kids know that a compass is more important than a watch. If they’re headed in the wrong direction, it doesn’t matter how quickly they get there. 2. Encourage more of what you want. It's always better to encourage the behaviors you want through positive and specific means than to consistently — and negatively — react to the behaviors you don't. Once you've helped your child set a goal, for example, help teach him or her the desired skills, act as a model, and participate in and reward movement towards achievement. 3. Tell stories of your own school journey. When kids struggle, instead of only working with carrot and stick (more carrot than stick; see #2), tell your kids about times during your own school journey in which you also struggled in similar ways. Or tell them about Uncle Larry, whom they admire. Telling stories is an important, less intimidating way for children to learn; stories can be used as a teaching moment, enabling your child to see learning as a process. Even when you've told a version of this or that story for the third time and your teenage daughter is rolling her eyes, she's listening. 4. Allow them the dignity of their own struggle. In my experience, fathers come to this more easily. Your job is to discern when to step in while knowing that great value comes from useful stress, and some struggle. 5. Be a fierce advocate for your child. While keeping to the principle of #4, make sure you step in when needed. A benefit from being involved earlier on is that you become a better steward and more aware of things like early warning signs of learning differences, bullying, or talents to be nurtured. Children who have learning differences in reading, for example, stand a great chance of reaching grade level within a year when they are identified and supported in kindergarten or first grade. Those who are not identified until third grade, on the other hand, often turn out to have lifelong struggles. Sanford Shapiro, M.Ed is a Bend resident and the founder of the Bend Learning Center. He has a national following in matters related to learning differences, such as dyslexia, and has visited over 300 schools and colleges nationwide to better understand best practices in action. He regularly consults with families and schools and works directly with children. He has also raised two sons and so has learned what works and what doesn't through his own set of triumphs and challenges. He can be reached through www.bendlearningcenter.com or at 541-383-3208. |
